Two Sundays ago I sat in church as I usually do -- one-third listening / one-third thinking about the upcoming week's to-do list / one-third hoping God's Will would come down and boink me on the head to toss me violently onto His chosen path. Luckily, the latter happened, and boy am I glad it did!
The Gospel was from the eighth chapter of John...the story of the adulterous woman and the origin of the phrase many Christians use when begging for forgiveness --"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7) Just in case you need a quick refresher, no one stoned the adulterous woman to death that day. Jesus followed up by saying God forgives you. Go and sin no more (I paraphrased that just a little bit).
But then the Homily (sermon) was what really caught my attention. Our priest did a wonderful job talking about forgiveness, reinforcing the idea of confession (something about which people outside of the Catholic church have devisive ideas), and frequently using the word "Yet". You see, according to my beloved priest, God is in all of our "not yets". Boink. That's the sound of God's will hitting me on the head that day. That afternoon I got to thinking about what I heard, and I really haven't stopped thinking about it two weeks later. Lucky for you I'm going to share it.
I am at such a crossroads in my life right now. I am a 34-year-old married mother of three beautiful, healthy kids. My marriage is approaching 10 years strong. I have lived in my humble house for almost 8 years; I have a job that I actually like, even though my boss is also my mother; and my paid-for vehicle threatens to break down every day but I keep going in it. I love to daydream via Pinterest, social media, guilty pleasure TV, etc. about new cars, new homes, same husband and kids, new wardrobes for a smaller and altered figure, and more. But then I'm guilty of worshiping false idols, coveting my neighbors' lives, and more. Sometimes I take my kids into public and it drives me berserk that they are the loud ones, the ones with the crumbs everywhere, the ones who want to sit in my lap instead of entertaining themselves. But then I'm guilty of astronomical expectations. I have to use my hindsight to remind me that my kids' boisterous personalities and affectionate needs were given to them by Bobby and me. They cannot help their origins. I truly would never want to squelch their animations. My life is what it is. It is a work in progress, a sign of enterprise. And it's not complete yet. God isn't finished with us yet.
So at night, when I lay in bed thinking of all my faults -- I coveted my neighbor's new Infinity, but then I realized I have over-populated the Earth and my big brood wouldn't fit into it; I drove through a new construction neighborhood and cursed aloud that I don't have enough liquid assets to just buy that new, multi-whatever-$$$ house three times the size of mine right now; I yelled at my kids when I should have just taken a deep breath and found more patience -- I ask God to forgive me of my tresspasses and help me sin no more. Boink! Two Sundays ago I was reminded that 1.) I am not the only sinner in the world and 2.) I'm a work in progress. God forgives me and knows that I honestly want to be a better person. But I'm not there...yet.
I needed to record this so I can go back and remind myself over and over that I must keep trying. But also, I wonder how many of you have something bothering yourselves. Do you wish you had more self confidence when you are thrown into a pack of lions? Do you wish you could stop gossiping so much? Do you wish you had more courage to follow what you think is God's path for you even though it's the path less travelled? God isn't finished with you...yet. You must keep moving forward. And when some days you fail, seek His forgiveness first. Then reassess how you can go and sin no more.
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